Welcome to The Mediation Group of Tennessee

Family Mediation

Thank you for coming to visit our site.  The Mediation Group of Tennessee is here to help you solve  your problems and move on with your life.  We hope to help you communicate  effectively, respectfully and discover solutions that will live well into your future.  

1. Development of a Parenting Plan, determining the time spent with children. 
2. Distribution of Property including house, furniture, bank and retirement accounts. 
3. Child Support [ Click for Child Support Guidelines]
4. Spousal Support

For a specific topic,  click on the topics at the top of this page.

In mediation and collaborative law, the  focus is on the future.  In mediation the mediatior will help you and your spouse with the above issues to come to agreement.   In collaborative practice, the coach, the financial neutral , the two attorneys and you and your soon-t0be ex-spouse will form a team and together you will develop agreements on the above issues.    Sometimes agreements come easily, sometimes they take a lot of time and careful attention.  It is the mediator's job or the job of the collaborative law team to keep the lines of communication open, help in the brainstorming and reality testing of ideas, the couple brainstorm ideas,   and assist the couple to make their own decisions.  the job of the professionals you choose is to help  focus the parties  on the issues at hand and help keep them on track.   All negotiations are  flexible and confidential.  It is our belief that either path, mediation or collaborative divorce will become an excellent process for you to amicably and as cost-effectively as possible resolve your differences in the divorce or family dispute process. 

 When children are involved, it is especially important to reduce the conflict in divorces.  We encourage you to choose the path which you believe will help you settle the conflict most amicably and efficiently between the parents in a way that will help maintain respect in your future relationship as co-parents.  The goal is at the end of the mediation or collaborative practice, post-divorce, you can work together effectively to nurture your children.  

Here are some frequently asked questions.  

Should I file a divorce complaint before I go to mediation?

A divorce mediator is neutral and doesn't "work" for either parent.  Though a mediator can provide the parties with basic legal information, the mediator cannot give legal advice to either party.   What the mediator can do, though, is assist you in formulating ideas that can eventually lead to agreements that will stand the test of time.  Because you  both are working with the same base of information, it is easier to  negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both of you.  If you wish to consult with an attorney before coming to mediation or during the mediation process,  I have listed "mediation friendly" attorneys on this website.  Press here for List of Attorneys and Therapists.   

Mediation is voluntary. It continues only for so long as all three of you - you, your spouse, and the mediator -- wish it to continue. Mediations can be conducted weekly, every two weeks, monthly or as slow or as fast as you wish.  This is your  mediation and you  decide everything in the process. If you wish to take a break from mediation and return to rebuilding your marriage, you are  free to do so.   

There is a difference between this process and a traditional divorce process.  In the traditional divorce process, both spouses have already chosen an attorney.  Their attorneys file complaints and counter-complaints, often alleging grounds for divorce, including inappropriate marital conduct or cruel and inhuman treatment. The filing alone of such a divorce complaint adds to the animosity between the parties. Before you choose an attorney, you may wish to consult a mediator.  This may give you the opportunity to choose a more respectful and civilized process than one that uses two opposing attorneys. There are two options available in addition to the traditional divorce process. One is mediation which we are describing here.  The other is  collaborative practice which is described at another place on this website. Press here for collaborative information.

If you believe that you and your spouse are fairly amicable and would like to keep the divorce as civil as possible, it is important to give the right signals to your spouse. You might choose to meet with a mediator prior to choosing attorneys.  If you choose mediation after consulting attorneys, it is important that you clarify with your attorney your value to reach a solution as constructively and peacefully as possible.  This is your divorce.  As you choose attorneys, consider the attorneys listed on this website. They are more "mediation friendly".  They have experience working through the mediation process.  They would be willing to assist you and give you legal advice during mediation or post-mediation.  The question of when and whether to file a complaint then becomes only a matter of timing.  With children, the minimum waiting period is 90 days after filing.    Without children, the waiting period is a minimum of 60 days.         

How can I prepare for mediation?  

Parents will have to take a parenting class either before, during or after mediation.  This is a four hour class that costs about $40.  Parents will learn about child development, communication with the other spouse and the best way to exchange their children.  Even good parents, which we assume you are, will find some interesting information at the seminar.  If you are in the 8th Circuit Court in Davidson County, you will need to take the online course,  Up With Parents.  It is actually quite helpful.  

There is a requirement for mediation either during the divorce process or at the end.  If you wish to see what a mediation is actually like, you can watch the video The Evans Matter .  It is about a 12 minute video.  It gives you the flavor of a mediation as well as the conflicts mediation hopes to avoid.    

How long does divorce mediation take and what are the costs?  

The length of mediation depends on what issues have been agreed upon  prior to mediation and those issues that need to be addressed during mediation. Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is contingent upon you and your spouse's willingness to come to agreements that are equitable for the both of you  and your  children. The time spent in mediation can be reduced if you and your spouse are able to come to agreements prior to mediation, or at the least, narrow down your options to a few workable ones. However, if you and your spouse are not able to discuss your divorce outside of mediation, it is strongly recommended that you avoid the discussion without the help of the mediator. When couples try to work out issues on their own and it leads to arguments and "drawing lines in the sand", it makes mediation more difficult and time consuming.  

On average, pre-decree divorce mediation can be completed in 3 - 6 sessions.   Each session is usually two hours long. It  depends on what, if any, communication there is between the parties and their level of animosity for each other.  If either of you are  unwilling to budge from your  position on a divorce issue, mediation may not be an option for you and you  may have to litigate in court.  Once this happens, communication shut down and the fight begins.  The  average mediated case costs $ $1500 to $ 3000 for the mediator and $ 750 to $ 1500 for at least one attorney to finalize the divorce. It is usually finalized within  three to  five months.   In turn, the average litigated case in the courts cost $15,000 and takes 18 months to come to a conclusion.    Keep in mind, the litigated cases cause  more spite and frustration between the divorcing couples, usually leading to a lose/lose situation for both. 

How satisfied are divorcing couples after mediation? 

Not many people walk away from a litigated divorce feeling satisfied.  In contrast, couples who went through mediation felt satisfied with the agreements they had reached and both walked away feeling that they had gotten what they had wanted.  Who would you rather have decide what happens with your children and assets after a divorce, you during mediation or attorneys and judges during a divorce in the courts? Who knows more about you, attorneys, judges or you? Why have people who know nothing about you tell you how you are going to live the rest of your life. 

Are the negotiations in mediation private?

A final consideration is that divorce in the court system is public.  Anyone can sit in court and hear the specifics of your divorce. On the other hand, mediation is confidential, private and conducted behind closed doors.  There is also confidentiality between the mediator and each participant, if they meet in solo sessions.  

How is a mediation agreement finalized in court? 

Once the parties have reached agreement for a Memorandum of Understanding and  Parenting Plan, one or the other party should contact an attorney if attorneys are not involved in the mediation.  The Attorney will prepare a Complaint (if one has not already been filed with the court),  a  Marital Dissolution Agreement and a Final Agreement. The other party may seek the advice of an attorney as to any exact language in the Marital Dissolution Agreement.  As is stated in the Memorandum of Understanding,  the agreement is not final until  each party has had the opportunity to consult with an attorney.   The party who filed the complaint will arrange for a court hearing.  At the court hearing, the attorney will ask several questions as to whether he/she wishes a divorce, whether the agreement is fair and equitable and whether adequate provision has been made for the children.  If the answers to these questions is YES, then the divorce will be granted by the judge.  The signing of the Final Decree signifies that you are indeed divorced.  

The complaint must rest with the court for 60 days for divorces without children.  If there are children in the family under 18, a divorce may not be granted for 90 days.   

How do you find an attorney? 

The Mediation Group of Tennessee maintains a list of Mediation Friendly Attorneys who will help you finalize the divorce.  You can find them on the left side of our website.  If you have not chosen an attorney prior to the initial mediation session, you can discuss that choice with the mediator.  

This webpage was written in part using  portions of an article written by Brian James,  a Divorce Mediator in Northern Illinois and Southern Wisconsin.  The information has been tailored to obtaining a Tennessee divorce and to the practices of The Mediation Group of Tennessee.  

Where can I find information about divorce in Tennessee? 

Click on Divorce Law in Tennessee for more information.                                        

Print